We went in today thinking we were at the 6 week mark (that's according to my last period) but we all know that ovulation and periods don't always match up, especially mine. I figured the days would be off a bit. Instead the baby measured 5 weeks and 3 days. Which means my pregnancy test kicks butt. We found out sooo early (which now makes sense, I was wondering why it looked negative at first). I wanted to know so badly and now the waiting for the heartbeat is torture. My doctor scheduled us to come back in a week, next Wednesday and we should see some definite growth and probably a heartbeat! So here I go again, counting down the days. Up until yesterday, I have had peace about this pregnancy. A true hope that this one is going to be okay....until yesterday that is, the day before THE appointment. The last time I went in for a "first appointment" I left more broken hearted than I had ever been. And being that it was my only experience to go on, all those feelings came back to me yesterday. I prayed and had so many friends and family lifting us up to God. And if I thought yesterday was bad, you should have seen me today. I was out of it. Just drifting, watching every minute tick off the clock and praying that 1 o'clock would get here already. It eventually did and I met Justin and my Mom and Dad (yes, they drive down for EVERY appointment....crazy, but I love 'em) at the hospital and we all marched in together. Justin steadily reassuring me that this time is different and Sweet Pea is just perfect in there. When the doctor started the ultrasound I took a deep breathe and prayed one last time for strength no matter what the outcome. I saw the sac and waited for her to measure. When she said "You're measuring 5 weeks and 3 days" my heart sank......that was the exact measurement of my little butterbean at our first visit. The sheer sound of that number sent a chill through my bones and I wanted to cry. The only difference is that I was supposed to be 7 1/2 weeks with butterbean, that's a big difference, AND I had been bleeding for a couple weeks at that time so......after I tried to convince the doctor that something was wrong, she assured me that it wasn't. She said everything looked great to her. And she could even see a little yolk (fetal pole) forming in the sac.......it's hard to see in the pictures but there is the beginnings of a little yolk sac, she showed it to me at three different angles and finally some relief came over me. Oh and I did learn that I am the home to another foreign object that happens to be growing just fine.....a 2 inch cyst on my right ovary! In case you weren't present for my last battle with one of these suckers last December.....it wins every time! I'm scared of the day that thing ruptures and I figure it's only a matter of time before Sweet Pea decides that this womb ain't big enough for the both of them=(I know I should trust her, she sees these things every day and I could tell on her face that she wasn't worried at all. It was nothing like the time before. A lot of things were different this time. She gave me pictures, which she never did with butterbean (I'm pretty sure she knew from the beginning) and she gave me all kinds of baby magazines and literature.....she had me go for different blood testing, they took 20 viles (no exhaggeration there) which makes me think it is more of a "pregnancy workup". I feel at ease, not completely but I'm better. If you took the time to pray for me even once in these last two weeks please know that I cannot express my gratitude. Please continue to pray, this next week is going to be nerve racking and I just need God's peace beyond understanding.
In my devo this morning it talked about living your life frivilously with God. To not make any plans or have any expectations for "your future" but to just get on the ride with God and let him surprise you along the way. In case you aren't aware, everything about that statement is anti-ME. I am such a planner. I already have nursery ideas and potential names for my child who is only a little over 5 weeks old! But how much fun and care free? To just let God....
3 comments:
Christi... first of all, I am so excited for you and Justin and will continue to pray for you both and SWEET PEA! It's my life lesson, as well, to remember what my sweet sweet Grandma used to say to me... God told us to "Be still and know that I am God." Such a short verse, but such a strong message. I struggle with that so much. Especially lately these days, because I've got a great plan and a great way to get to Tampa... if only everything would fall into place and do what I say! But it just doesn't work that way... ever... it's all part of a great big plan that's working itself into our life's GREAT story. More than molding our lives, He's molding our hearts... and we have to remember that when our plans don't work it's because they're just busy work! Why try to plan when it's already mapped out. The best we can do is be dilligent and discerning and patient. I love you and am praying for you, Justin, and SWEET PEA always!
Hey girly! I just wanted to give you a bit of hope because they had their calculations for me when I was pregnant with Joshua off by almost a week and a half which I knew was completely impossible for a fact! So I just wanted to let you know you should not worry. Me, of all people know thats almost impossible to do also. I worried every day until he was out and screaming but in the end, it will all be more than worth it! We love you guys!!
my sweet sweet Christi. Ruco and I are always praying for you, Justin, and your sweet pea. I too have a peace about this pregnancy. He is more than able. I love you dearly, more and more as the years pass by.
Post a Comment