Most of all...

Would I
have built you an ark
while others
laughed and scorned

Would I
journey to a country
one that I
had never seen before

Would I
have stepped into the red sea
despite
the wind and the waves

And bow
my head before you
while others
watch me pray

I don't have the faith of Moses
I can't proclaim the strength of Paul
but I want to follow you my savior
that's what I want
Most of all

Would I
carry my sick child
and lay him
dying at your feet

Would I
have given up my luch
so that thousands
more could eat

Would I
boldly preach your name
if it meant
I'd go to jail

Or would I
turn like the rich man
who sadly
walked away

I don't have the faith of Moses
I can't proclaim the strength of Paul
but I want
to follow you my savior
that's what I want
most of all

When you ask me if I love you
do I turn and walk with you
Or do I cling to my possessions
and make up some excuse
do I value your approval
over what my friends might say
do I grasp your nail-scarred hands
or do I turn and walk away

I don't have the faith of Moses
I can't proclaim the strength of Paul
but I want
to follow you my savior
that's what I want
most of all...

What's Next??

Seems that every conversation I've had lately has been re-routed to the same place, contentment. Whether it was meeting Audrey for a quick lunch to catch up on the day and soon we start pouring out the desires of our hearts, sharing the things we are currently praying for, and realizing together how dis-contented we are. Or reading Jill's last post about her newest book and the quote that I absoltely have taken to be my new life's motto, "Contentment is accepting from the hand of God what he gives because we KNOW that he is good and therefore, IT is GOOD!", and even sitting down to celebrate a birthday dinner with some old friends and in the midst of our loud conversations and enormous outbursts of laughter, beginning to remember how much I take for granted yet still ask for more more more...

I've decided I am an un-content person with life. Wow, that sounds so negative. I mean, I love life, I love my husband, I am completely in love with my God! But, I find I am always holding out for the next exciting event. There aren't many times that I just sit back and smile about what I have already been blessed with. Although that is what I have been trying to do these last couple of weeks. There are certainly moments when I praise God for what I have, especially my Jus and my Jesus. But, I want more of a content lifestyle, not just some moments here or there. If you don't truly understand what I mean here are a few examples... When I was in high school I remember praying for the day I would graduate and finally get to go to college, then I got there and all I wanted was to hurry up and graduate so that I could get into the real world, get married, be an adult, and now I'm here so I find myself asking what's next?

You get the drift. I get the impression that it hurts God's feelings for me to be this way, always asking "What's next?" "I know you've given me every little thing I've wanted and everything I need but, what else can I get?" I want to be content. I want to accept from the hand of God what he has given me because I KNOW that he is good and therefore whatever he gives, or doesn't give IS good. That's my prayer.