Thursday, December 27, 2007

God stinkin' ROX

Yes, my husband took a picture of the pregnancy test.......he was a little bit ecstatic at the time =)

So the news is out! We're having a BABY!!! Jus and I are beyond excited, in fact, we're relieved. Since we were finally victorious in concieving I strongly feel the need to talk about the struggle we've been through the last 14 months. Sheerly for the fact that I wanted so badly to know that someone else had been through what I was going maybe someone who needs that same comfort will find this post =).

So October of 2006 we threw away "the pills". Justin was 100% gung ho on the whole baby thing and while I REALLY REALLY wanted a baby, the thought of what would happen to my body and the fear of giving labor were still lingering in the back of my mind. A few months past and no was at this point that I started to really want this! I think the fear of not having a baby was FAR greater than all the fear that went along with having one. This is when the planner in me took over......ovulation tests, charts, basal body tempuratures.....the works. I was going to make us have a baby if it killed me, and it felt as if it nearly did. Each month I was SURE I felt all the symptoms. And each month I was more and more disappointed when my period came. I was reading all these websites and books telling me that most young healthy couples will concieve within 6 months of trying, very rarely it takes a year. So after six months went by, my goal was to beat that 1 year mark. That was this October, and when I wasn't pregnant that month, I lost it. I just remember crying uncontrollably. Sometimes in the middle of my classes in school. And for some reason God was bringing pregnant girls into my life repeatedly during this time. One of the freshman that I teach confided in me that she was pregnant and although I was in a twisted way jealous of her, I also didn't envy her situation either. I began to counsel her and she joined a bible study that I teach for high school girls. A few more students at my school got pregnant (I promise that is not the norm, but for some reason this year it was) and I guess I have this magnetism for pregnant teens because so many of them were approaching me for MY guidance....???? I didn't know if this was a test from God, I still don't, but I hope I passed if it was.
I began to look into fertility doctors and actually would have gone to visit one in October had I had my way. But Justin said just wait a couple more months. I'm not sure why he was so positive it would happen in a couple more months but I agreed and we waited. The next month.....nothing. I cannot even begin to put into words the sadness and longing you feel when you want to me mommy and have tried everything you can think of. I remember wanting babies and every once in a while getting that strong desire to have them NOW. But that isn't the feeling I am talking about. This is deeper, sadder, gut-wrenching. It's like no pain that you know. I would walk through the mall with my husband and see him staring at some cute little girl in her pig tails walking hand in hand with her daddy and I knew it hurt him too. We wanted that so badly. I started to think that God's plan for me was to adopt or something. I have a strange ability to absolutely love other people's children as if they were my own. I know that. Maybe God gave me that for a reason?? Everything about having our own child was looking pretty hopeless. Until December 18th at 5:30 am. That's when I decided "what the heck" take a's probably going to be like the last 13 negative tests you've taken so far, but you might as well, you're used to the disappointment by now. So I did, and it was POSITIVE! And here we are today. Praising God for granting our wish. he didn't have to. We don't deserve it, Lord knows I didn't even have the faith of a mustard seed but God is so gracious that he gives to me anyway. It was worth 14 long miserable months to have the amazing feeling I have now. To know that in 9 months (should everything go as planned) we will have a precious little son or daughter. I can't wait, I absolutely can't wait!~ Thank you to all of you who fervently prayed for us. I believe intercession was a huge key in this gift God gave to us. Thank you to the few people who listened to my sobbing about this and felt the pain with me. I love you. Praise God!!
p.s. for all you trying mothers out there I have a few tips and tricks we tried this last month....who knows which one worked (it's all in God's timing anyway) but I know I would have loved to get my hands on ANYTHING to help me concieve. Comment on this blog and I'd be glad to help in any way I can!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Woah, long time......

I started this post with the intention of uploading picture galore......tree, lights, presents.....the whole she-bang. But I'll have to get those on here later. But here is a Christmas Card for all to enjoy (Justin and I are truly trying to see if we can "out-tacky" ourselves every year).

The best I can do is leave you with the cutest Christmas story I've heard and the funniest clip I've been emailed. First we'll hit on the cute story:

So, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have just been called to move (again). After much prayer and trying their hardest to stay where they were, God called a little louder and...they moved. The only problem was that they had no where to live in this "new city" and their house in the "old city" wouldn't sell. The new church he is working for offered to let them stay in a house on church property until they can get their affairs in order, or until the house was needed by the church. After a few months of this, they were getting a bit stressed...."Was this truly what God intended for them to do? Wouldn't he tie up all these loose ends if he called them there?" To make matters worse the church had to let them know the house was needed and they would need to be out by the end of the month. I can imagine how much stress they were in, new city, new job, new friends, no relatives, a three year old, no house, well, a house they weren't using.......ahhhh! But it never fails, God comes through in the clinch and their house sold a couple weeks before they needed to be out, so in the hustle and bustly of closing on a house (in a city far far away may I add) and travelling back and forth to move out, plus doing this new (very important) job, and moving in a NEW house, and it being the holiday time when lots of people who live far away want to visit.....they were crazy. So here is where the story picks up. As they were riding in the car spouting off all the things that needed to be done......."prepare this for work", "sign these papers", "move in the furniture", "put everything up", "prepare the house for guests".......etc., etc., etc. When they finally came up for a breathe they could hear the three year old in the back seat saying something too. They both turned around at once (but the little boy didn't notice) he was too busy staring out the window and singing.........."Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you. There is no greater thing. You're my all, you're the best, you're my joy, my righteousness. And I love you Lord......"
(This is were you all say AWWWWWE) Out of the mouths of babes we are reminded of the true attitude we should have. In light of that here are ALL they lyrics to that song. They are more amazing and present than I remember them:

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss;
Spend and worthless now compared to this--

Chorus: Knowing You, Jesus, Knowing You,
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness, And I love You, Lord.
(after third verse) And I love You, Lord. (2x)

Now my heart's desire is to know you more,
To be found in you and known as Yours;
To possess by faith what I could not earn,
All surpassing gift of righteousness.

Oh, to know the pow'r of Your risen life
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

and here is quite possibly the FUNNIEST video I have ever seen.......or my husband and I are just giggly little girls =)