Seems that every conversation I've had lately has been re-routed to the same place, contentment. Whether it was meeting Audrey for a quick lunch to catch up on the day and soon we start pouring out the desires of our hearts, sharing the things we are currently praying for, and realizing together how dis-contented we are. Or reading Jill's last post about her newest book and the quote that I absoltely have taken to be my new life's motto, "Contentment is accepting from the hand of God what he gives because we KNOW that he is good and therefore, IT is GOOD!", and even sitting down to celebrate a birthday dinner with some old friends and in the midst of our loud conversations and enormous outbursts of laughter, beginning to remember how much I take for granted yet still ask for more more more...
I've decided I am an un-content person with life. Wow, that sounds so negative. I mean, I love life, I love my husband, I am completely in love with my God! But, I find I am always holding out for the next exciting event. There aren't many times that I just sit back and smile about what I have already been blessed with. Although that is what I have been trying to do these last couple of weeks. There are certainly moments when I praise God for what I have, especially my Jus and my Jesus. But, I want more of a content lifestyle, not just some moments here or there. If you don't truly understand what I mean here are a few examples... When I was in high school I remember praying for the day I would graduate and finally get to go to college, then I got there and all I wanted was to hurry up and graduate so that I could get into the real world, get married, be an adult, and now I'm here so I find myself asking what's next?
You get the drift. I get the impression that it hurts God's feelings for me to be this way, always asking "What's next?" "I know you've given me every little thing I've wanted and everything I need but, what else can I get?" I want to be content. I want to accept from the hand of God what he has given me because I KNOW that he is good and therefore whatever he gives, or doesn't give IS good. That's my prayer.
5 comments:
AMEN. Good thoughts. I'm the same way. It was good to see you yesterday :) I love the Oar house!
hey, also in my book, it looks at contentment in God as a form of worship. Thinking about it that way, also helps me because Im like, hey God, i am soooo satisfied in you, and when I do that its worship?!?! thats so cool! haha! I LOVE YOU!
Oh my gosh... thank you so much for your super long blog comment. I made my blog private so that Chris wouldn't be able to read it. I just need to cut all ties at this point in order to be where I need to be. But I love love love everything you said. Just like I always knew in this little place deep down in my heart that Chris and I weren't meant to be... I know in a little place deep down in my heart now that this is where I was supposed to be. Or at least for the time being (I hope...) I found out a few days ago that Chris is seeing other girls already... and to be honest, I wasn't that suprised. In fact, I think that he'd been seeing girls for the past few months. Maybe not in the "cheating" sense... but in the "emotionally unfaithful" sense. Ugh, its just amazing that when you think everything is perfect, God pulls the rug right out from under you. And thank God I have a real peace and understanding about it at this point. That's not to say that I don't get really sad because I do... more often than not. But I know now that there's no turning back and the only thing I can do is trust in God and follow His way instead of my own. I'm so bad about trying to do it ALL and do it ALL myself. Thanks soo soo much for your prayers and your encouragement, Christi, I hope you know how much it means to me. I really want to go back to Olive. I wanted to for a long time and Chris would never go with me... so I just didnt. And I hate going by myself... so call me sometime if you're going! I have such a hard time doing things and going places by myself because I've never ever had to... not since I was 15. So I hate being alone. But if you ever want a church buddy, you know who to call :)
Awesome!!! I'll be there this sunday... but at the 11am service. But I'd love to come sit w you guys next Sunday. I know its so dumb, I just hate going anywhere by myself. Yay!
Hello Tyner. I am a Tyner too! Nice blog, cheers!
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