Tuesday, March 11, 2008

In this moment

It's been so long since I have met You here
Since I have said these words or cried these tears
And like a child would come I run into our secret place
And as the music fades, the tears are rolling down my face

I am alive in this moment
In this moment I am found
I am alive in this moment
In this moment I belong

It's been so long since I have met You here
Since I have heard You speak or let You near
And like a wayward son I've come with nothing left to hide
Here in this moment I have come to offer up my life

I am alive in this moment
In this moment I am found
I am alive in this moment
In this moment I belong

Here only one fire burns, it burns
Here only one melody is heard
Once again for the very first time
My eyes are opening

Starfield is my new obsession. And this song for sure. I tend to interpret songs in certain ways. However I can fit it into my current life situation is how I sing it. When I first heard this song I knew it was obviously about someone who had turned away from Christ and was ready to get things right again. They had a moment of decision to come back to their first love.

But now I interpret it differently. My current life situation is longing to be a mother….dealing with my unending loss, and struggling to trust God wholly with my future dreams. So now. This song means something completely new.

I am alive in this moment, in this moment I am found. I am alive in this moment, in this moment I belong.

It’s been a long time since I’ve met God with those words. Just to be happy exactly where I am. No longer do I want to yearn for tomorrow, be alive in THIS moment. Today! And I am. Jesus gives me life, new abundant, unspeakable life! And I know I am found in this moment and I can’t change that. I must embrace it and use it to define my life. I will never be able to go back to the day before. And I’m okay with that. I am SO alive in this very moment and in this moment I belong. God didn’t wake up this morning and say, “Oh my goodness Christi, I am so sorry all this happened to you. I had no idea. You’re struggling down there?? Let me figure out exactly what is going on and I’ll figure out a way to help….”
NO! He has me in this moment, he placed me here with his very own hands. He drew up the blueprints before it all happened. And in this moment is where I belong. If it is where God has put me, I wouldn’t rather be any where else. Sometimes I think I would, but deep down I know, that would be a scary place, without him.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Un-loved Sheep

John 2:17 “Feed my sheep.”

“Jesus’s point is….Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just “Feed My sheep”. Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep; some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love.”
~My Utmost For His Highest

This was in my devotional today. I actually was running late this morning and wasn’t able to read it until my 2nd block class. Oh my 2nd block class, they are a misfit group of freshmen to the world and to me. And their immaturity weighs on my last nerve EVERYDAY. And today was no different. I truly do think of them as souls for Christ but it is just so hard to love on them after immature comments unending and having to tell them to be quite every 5 minutes, explaining the same thing 20 times over because no one had the sense to listen when I said it the first time. AHHHH, I just get so frustrated with them. And then I read this and I was convicted. I am so quick to write on here about all the different things and revelations God is giving me……because I truly am so excited about them. But that isn’t what God asks me to do is it? I’m not here to enlighten the world the way God enlightens me….He just wants me to feed his sheep, love on the misfits, and serve those that no one else wants to serve. I’ve already gotten to share the gospel with 4 of them, I find it easy to talk the talk….hah, if only that were enough. I need to refocus and not just TELL them of this great love, I have to show them.