36 weeks, 160lbs

As Charleigh's arrival gets closer and closer, I can't help but remember the three times prior to this when I imagined this would have happened already. The three times I pictured myself holding my sweet babies. I guess Sunday kind of got me thinking on that topic. Sunday would have been Baby Butterbean's 1st birthday. Now, I am not one to celebrate death more than I celebrate life, I am TRULY focusing on the new life of my sweet baby girl in the next 3 weeks! But, I do want to share what I (with the help of the Lord) have been pondering lately on this topic.

I don't want to forget where I've been. Where I have been makes me indescribably thankful for where we are about to go. Sunday morning, as I'm am briefly thinking about little Butterbean, Leo gets up in the middle of worship and reads from 2 Corinthians. I leaned over to Justin and said, "I bet he reads from chapter 12". I am going to tell you right now, that I have NO idea why I said that, or why I knew that...and sure enough he followed with, "chapter 12, verse 7". I was tuned in now, I needed to know what this said, apparently God was trying to get me to pay attention. And here is what he read:
"...even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud. I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
2 cor 12:7-10

Well, I've read these verses before, and no one really knows what Paul's "thorn" was, some say a sickness of some sort. But, I KNEW what my "thorn" had been...these miscarriages. And when he went on to read how he begged the Lord 3 times to take it away, wow, I'd definitely say that after all three babies were lost, I got on my face and begged the Lord. 3 times.
Okay, so, I'm making my own parallels here but, it's just that it fit so perfectly with my thoughts for that morning. In those dark times he did teach me that his grace is sufficient, he is ALL I need, and no child will fill my voided heart, yes, even my precious child will let me down at some point in her sweet life...and that is okay, because he has taught me that only HE is all I need, and that he works BEST through my weaknesses. It's just a beautiful revelation to my heart right now. I am so grateful that the Lord has removed my thorn...and that we will be holding a sweet child of our own very soon. I celebrate Charleigh's life!

But, this too got me thinking...A couple weeks ago we had a guest speaker from Romania. It is a man whom our church has prayed for, done fundraisers for, and followed for the last few years. He was told that his little 2 year old daughter had a cancerous tumor on her spine and, as you can imagine, probably wouldn't make it. I had heard their story before, like I said, our church was VERY involved in trying to get little Tori well, and tons of prayers for the sweet little girl. But, to hear it in his broken English, coming from the mouth of the father of that little girl...you could NOT hold back emotion. And I could not help but think of my husband having to tell that story about our own daughter, I could feel my heart breaking for this dad, all over again. But, it was the next story that he told that really meant something. He said, that day, he and his wife took little Tori out to a field. They both held her up to God and prayed. My natural prayer for this girl would be for healing, of course, but, that is not what they prayed. He said, "God, you gave us baby Tori. But she is not ours, she belongs to you. If you want her back, it will be hard for us, we don't want to lose her but, it is okay with us. Thank you for letting us have her for the short time that we have..." Woah, I mean, we ALL would like to think that we would react in such a humble, classy way but...man. I started thinking about all the worries I have for baby Charleigh. I guess because of so many letdowns in this area, my heart keeps bringing up thoughts of what MIGHT happen...stillborn, rare illness, SIDS, cancerous tumors...etc. I try to immediately squash these thoughts but, I know that I am not promised September 14th, and neither is Baby Charleigh. I know that my father in heaven WANTS to give me good things, and loves to shower his blessings on me, but, I have to remind myself that Charleigh is not mine, she belongs to God and whatever he chooses to do with her life, is something I will choose to accept.
Well, there is so much more in my heart about this that I can't find the words to describe. So, I'll leave it at that for now...

On to less "deep" conversation. Have you heard of the hormone Relaxin? It is released during pregnancy in order to relax all the cartilidge in your body. The reason cartilidge needs to be relaxed is so that the cartilidge that holds your hips and pelvis in place can stretch to make room for the baby to be born. So, Relaxin is doing it's job on me these days. Many of the times I wake up in the night are because my hips are aching...they don't stay in their sockets very well anymore because of this darn hormone. But the funniest thing is that it affects ALL the cartilidge in your body, that is why a woman's nose will "spread" at the end of her pregnancy (it relaxes because it's made of cartilidge) and why their feet get bigger (the cartilidge in their feet spreads out), and it is apparently why I wake up with ear pain! I know, what? Yeah, If I lay on one ear too long, it starts to hurt really bad, bad enough to wake me up in the night...haha, I just think that sounds so funny. Did anyone else experience this during pregnancy? So weird.

Well, Charleigh, Justin and I got some maternity pictures made last week. Amy Harrod (http://amysangle.com/) is a young photog in our church who has recently started up her own business. So, we got with her and loved what she was able to do in her cute little studio. She was very easy to work with, and took what I said to heart (even though she is the professional and I am NOT), she didn't just dismiss my ideas...she tried them all! I just thought that was sweet. So, here are some of our favorites :)I posted even more pictures on facebook if you want to see more :)

Well, this week mom and dad are coming for their last visit before Charleigh gets here. My mother cannot stand to stay 3 hours away, she needs to check and make sure everything is done and ready for her grandbaby...haha, she's crazy. And she's bringing all the artwork Charleigh needs for her walls :) Can't wait to post pictures of that next week.

Our c-section is officially scheduled for September 14th early morning. So, I've let the fam know and everyone is making their travel arrangements...exciting! I guess there are a few good things about having a c-section. The extreme "planner" in me is glad to know exactly what will happen and when, our family will all have time to take off work and travel to be here for the event, and I won't have to get all sweaty and endure labor pains...I'm trying to focus on these positive things. Our appointments are now once a week but only for the next couple of weeks because in 2 weeks and 6 days....we'll have a BABY!

I go visit our pediatrician tomorrow. It will be my first meeting with her and I have a LONG list of questions to ask. Any moms out there have any I should make sure to work into the conversation??

I finished my hospital gown! I'm pretty proud of it since I went in clueless on what I was doing. I just pinned and measured a million times and hey, it turned out fairly cute :) It looks like it's mainly red but, oh no, it's definitely HOT PINK!

I added snaps all the way up the back so that the doctors and nurse could have access...you know for epidurals and what not. Then I made sure it overlapped in the front so that I could just untie one side for breast feeding.

I also whipped up a new pillowcase to take with me to the hospital :)

I also managed to make her a hair bow holder!

I added two pegs in the front to hang her headbands on.

So, I survived our newborn parenting class solo. Yes, I was the only one there that was alone...boo. But, everyone was so friendly. I didn't learn too much information that I didn't already know but there were a few things the nurse cleared up that had been puzzling me. Like, you are NOT supposed to use baby powder at all, or...you can clean the umbilical cord with alcohol or not (apparently it really doesn't matter if you mess with it at all), and she suggested NOT using vasoline during diaper changes, which I had heard was a good idea...hmmmm.

I am definitely looking forward to taking Justin with me this week :) muahahahah!

Any expecting moms out there (Joanna and other friend I cannot name), I'd have to suggest the book "The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems". It was suggested to me and I LOVE it so far. This little English lady answers all my questions before I think them. I had planned to read and follow "BabyWise" but I couldn't find it at the bookstores I went to or at the library. So, I got the Baby Whisperer book and everyone I've talked to basically says it's a lot like Baby Wise anyway. I love this woman's ideas and concepts, anyway, thought I'd give you a heads up on that one!