As long as our happiness is tied to the things we can lose, we are vulnerable. This truth is core to the human condition and to understanding what God is doing in our lives. We really believe that God's primary reason for being is to provide us with happiness, give us a good life....We see God as a means to an end rather than the end itself. God as the assistant to our life versus God as our life....And so we are surprised by the course of events. It's not that God doesn't want us to be happy. He does. It's just that He knows that until we are holy, and we are fully His, we cannot really be happy. Until God has become our all, and we are fully His, we will continue to make idols of the good things He gives us...We are so committed to arranging for a happy little life that God has to thwart us to bring us back to Himself. It's kind of a regular purging I suppose.
~Walking with God
(thanks to Liz K.)
Friday, August 29, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Happy "Birthday" to Butterbean
Today is the day my sweet Butterbean was due to join us on this earth...it's a sad day for us but I know my little darling is having the most wonderful party I could imagine =)
Psalm 37
1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
God, please find and destroy my sense of entitlement. I have none...I deserve death and pain and nothing in this life. But you have already given me life and hope and so many blessings to pour over that. Still I beg for more, still I compare and see you blessing others more, and I let my heart break over something I do not deserve. But if I remain righteous in you and by you, you are going to prosper me and my fruit. I come to you with an attitude of expectance....
2 Cor. 1
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
I praise you for the comfort you have given me. I now know you more than most people ever will. I've been able to go to a place with you where I have never been, and though it was scary and dark and lonely, you lead me there with your very own hand. I know you went through suffering before me. Who am I to deserve more than you, Jesus? But with this new revealation of you to me, I can share your comfort with others. What a ministry you've given me, what a testimony you've deliver to my hands. My faith in you is no longer based on feeling or emotions...but on something much deeper now.
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more
The word Sovereign has really not meant much to me up until recently. Just a big word used by church people. I know what it means, always have. But again, I tell you, I'm different than I was just a short time ago. My God is different to me. And now, this word means something different to me also. No matter how confusing the circumstances of my life become, or how chaotic my day was....he is Sovereign still. All the things that have happened to me are decreed by a Sovereign God. There is not a single thing that could have been done better, no matter how much I wish it would have been.....Every time I hear that one verse of this song, my tears fall uncontrollably. In this last week it has been played several times at different events I've attended and every time I hear it I start to brace myself...as I feel this verse approaching I try to distract myself or to think of something off topic but it never fails...that one word "Sovereign" jumps to the very heart of me and I can't contain it. It's like my soul knows that what was meant to happen is sovereign and it just releases all worry and fear and sadness on the very mention of that word.
Psalm 37
1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
God, please find and destroy my sense of entitlement. I have none...I deserve death and pain and nothing in this life. But you have already given me life and hope and so many blessings to pour over that. Still I beg for more, still I compare and see you blessing others more, and I let my heart break over something I do not deserve. But if I remain righteous in you and by you, you are going to prosper me and my fruit. I come to you with an attitude of expectance....
2 Cor. 1
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
I praise you for the comfort you have given me. I now know you more than most people ever will. I've been able to go to a place with you where I have never been, and though it was scary and dark and lonely, you lead me there with your very own hand. I know you went through suffering before me. Who am I to deserve more than you, Jesus? But with this new revealation of you to me, I can share your comfort with others. What a ministry you've given me, what a testimony you've deliver to my hands. My faith in you is no longer based on feeling or emotions...but on something much deeper now.
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more
The word Sovereign has really not meant much to me up until recently. Just a big word used by church people. I know what it means, always have. But again, I tell you, I'm different than I was just a short time ago. My God is different to me. And now, this word means something different to me also. No matter how confusing the circumstances of my life become, or how chaotic my day was....he is Sovereign still. All the things that have happened to me are decreed by a Sovereign God. There is not a single thing that could have been done better, no matter how much I wish it would have been.....Every time I hear that one verse of this song, my tears fall uncontrollably. In this last week it has been played several times at different events I've attended and every time I hear it I start to brace myself...as I feel this verse approaching I try to distract myself or to think of something off topic but it never fails...that one word "Sovereign" jumps to the very heart of me and I can't contain it. It's like my soul knows that what was meant to happen is sovereign and it just releases all worry and fear and sadness on the very mention of that word.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
My dog thinks I'm fat.
Many interesting events to share and not enough time or energy to do it. Well, I hate to start with bad news but it goes with my story... as you know Justin and I lost our second baby recently...well, two weeks after we found out we were pregnant one of my best friends, Laura, found out she was pregnant as well! Yay! A few weeks later we lost our baby and only two weeks after that, they lost theirs too =( It was a very sad time for both of us but we walked that road together and God gave us each other to make it through. Well, just a few weeks after our miscarriages one of my other closest friends, Whitney, found out she was pregnant...YAY! again. and just last week, they too lost their baby. Pray for both their families to grow and that one day we will all be strolling our little babies around the neighborhood together very soon =) I knew my job was to comfort and understand her in this time so we've spent a lot of quality time together lately. All of this was to say that after my pregnancies, however short they may have lasted, I just felt fat. I hadn't really gained any weight, thanks to the vomitting, but the shaped of my body changed almost immediately. At first I thought this was all in my head and that I was just making excuses for myself but after my two close friends went through the same thing and BOTH admitted that they too feel and look differently.....I know that it really happened. Hope that makes sense. So, I've been eating sooo much healthier. Thanks to my mom I know how many "points" every piece of food I eat is worth (though sometimes I pretend that I don't). And I've started back up my exercise routine. And I've even dropped a couple pounds here and there.....mainly I just want to be lean and not "soft" so here I am working toward that goal and thinking I'm doing pretty good. Then this morning my sweet little Prissy was eating her breakfast. The way she eats every meal is to bring two or three little bits into whatever room Justin and I are in and set them down, eat it then, or hide them, and then go back for a couple more bits. I guess that way she is burning off each bite while she eats...who knows? So this morning she was trying to wedge herself between me and the seat I was in and I was wondering why she wanted to be SO close to me all of a sudden. Well, a little while later I got up and realized that she had hidden two little pieces of food under my butt.........what the heck Prissy? But despite this, I choose not to take this as an omen of my growing rear.....what does she know? she's a dog........
Anyway, back to the whole baby thing. I've mentioned that my doc is doing boo-coodles of testing to find out why we are losing the babies and one of those, quite painful, tests was on Tuesday of this week. It is called a hysterosalpingogram (yeah) and basically includes a tube, some dye, an x-ray machine, and lots of pain for me.....you can imagine for yourself. So before the test I was instructed to get my blood drawn for the 1 billionth time and then come back at one for my procedure. After visiting the blood lab, with the lady that I LOVE, who knows me by sight now (she may be the god-mother of my future child), I went back to school to get ready for the kids coming next week. But before I got any work done my nurse called me. Here is how the convo went:
Nurse: Christi?
Me: Yes?
Nurse: We have to cancel your procedure for today.
Me: Why?
Nurse: We got your blood results back.
Me: Ok
Nurse: And they tested positive...
Me: Positive for what? (I don't know what I was expecting her to say? Heroine?)
Nurse: Pregnancy!
Me: (Silence)
Nurse: Christi?
Me: Is that possible?
Nurse: Here, I'll let you talk to the doctor...
Doctor: Christi..(with that, you're in trouble voice)
Me: Yes sir?
Doctor: How are you doing?
Me: Fine until right about two minutes ago.
Doctor: Is there a possiblity that this could have happened?
Me: (thinking: Your the doctor...I don't know?) Maybe.
This is where I started crying a bit because I was afraid we would have a new messed up baby and I knew we did something we weren't supposed to do.....but the doctor reassured me that if it was a new baby that it should be fine and he wouldn't worry. Then started my frantic phone call to my husband.
Me: Hey baby.
Justin: Hey
Me: I just got off the phone with the doctor and they aren't going to do my procedure today.
Justin: Good. (He knew it would be painful so he didn't want me to go through with it) Why?
Me: My bloodwork came back positive.
Justin: positive for what? (I guess he is just like me)
Me: pregnancy.
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: Is that possible?
Me: I don't know, if it is, it was God showing me that he has a sense of humor.
Justin: Okay
Me: Love you
Justin: Love you too, bye.
(15 minutes later) - my phone rings
Me:Hello
Justin: Did you just call me and tell me you were pregnant?
Me: I think I did.
Justin: Okay, bye.
So I went back and got some more tests and we are pretty sure that I am not "pregnant"....either the hormones were left over from the last miscarriage (which my doc says is the longest he has ever seen them left over) or we had a chemical pregnancy meaning.....we lost another one before we even knew it =( The doctor tried to assure me that it was probably just left over from the miscarriage but he had been quite sure before that it wasn't (then suddenly changed his tune)....so, I think he just wanted to protect me from the possiblity that we lost another one. So, I'm going with his story........Those hormones are just hanging around a bit! No worries, we are pressing on.
Can anything be easy?
Anyway, back to the whole baby thing. I've mentioned that my doc is doing boo-coodles of testing to find out why we are losing the babies and one of those, quite painful, tests was on Tuesday of this week. It is called a hysterosalpingogram (yeah) and basically includes a tube, some dye, an x-ray machine, and lots of pain for me.....you can imagine for yourself. So before the test I was instructed to get my blood drawn for the 1 billionth time and then come back at one for my procedure. After visiting the blood lab, with the lady that I LOVE, who knows me by sight now (she may be the god-mother of my future child), I went back to school to get ready for the kids coming next week. But before I got any work done my nurse called me. Here is how the convo went:
Nurse: Christi?
Me: Yes?
Nurse: We have to cancel your procedure for today.
Me: Why?
Nurse: We got your blood results back.
Me: Ok
Nurse: And they tested positive...
Me: Positive for what? (I don't know what I was expecting her to say? Heroine?)
Nurse: Pregnancy!
Me: (Silence)
Nurse: Christi?
Me: Is that possible?
Nurse: Here, I'll let you talk to the doctor...
Doctor: Christi..(with that, you're in trouble voice)
Me: Yes sir?
Doctor: How are you doing?
Me: Fine until right about two minutes ago.
Doctor: Is there a possiblity that this could have happened?
Me: (thinking: Your the doctor...I don't know?) Maybe.
This is where I started crying a bit because I was afraid we would have a new messed up baby and I knew we did something we weren't supposed to do.....but the doctor reassured me that if it was a new baby that it should be fine and he wouldn't worry. Then started my frantic phone call to my husband.
Me: Hey baby.
Justin: Hey
Me: I just got off the phone with the doctor and they aren't going to do my procedure today.
Justin: Good. (He knew it would be painful so he didn't want me to go through with it) Why?
Me: My bloodwork came back positive.
Justin: positive for what? (I guess he is just like me)
Me: pregnancy.
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: (Silence)
Justin: Is that possible?
Me: I don't know, if it is, it was God showing me that he has a sense of humor.
Justin: Okay
Me: Love you
Justin: Love you too, bye.
(15 minutes later) - my phone rings
Me:Hello
Justin: Did you just call me and tell me you were pregnant?
Me: I think I did.
Justin: Okay, bye.
So I went back and got some more tests and we are pretty sure that I am not "pregnant"....either the hormones were left over from the last miscarriage (which my doc says is the longest he has ever seen them left over) or we had a chemical pregnancy meaning.....we lost another one before we even knew it =( The doctor tried to assure me that it was probably just left over from the miscarriage but he had been quite sure before that it wasn't (then suddenly changed his tune)....so, I think he just wanted to protect me from the possiblity that we lost another one. So, I'm going with his story........Those hormones are just hanging around a bit! No worries, we are pressing on.
Can anything be easy?
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Blog Under Construction...
I'm working to change up the blog...long time coming and I am tired of working on it today.....so you'll have to love it the way it is until I finish =)
Friday, August 01, 2008
It's LOVE!
Oh boy! Here we go...The Prissy Pink Polka Dot is now in business! I am so excited to finally be able to open up my deep dark obsession with crafting to the rest of the world. However, I am still a poor school teacher so money for advertising is non-existent....so, if you have a blog/myspace/facebook out there PLEASE include a link to my page. Some people have been kind enough to even post a blog about all the things they love on the site...wow, I'm honored!
So, I've worked so hard on this site, day and night, night and day and I just feel a sense of accomplishment. Every time I complete a new product I get that same feeling...I just feel like I was meant to do it. Can God destine you to be a CRAFTER?? Well, I am 100% obsessed. Justin made the statement a couple nights ago that if he got transferred and had to move, I probably wouldn't know it for weeks...since I spend most of my time in my office...aww, poor Jus.
Well, there is not much else I can say so I will post a few pictures of my favorite products but don't you forget to mosey on down to the site. http://www.theprissypinkpolkadot.com/
The covered button earrings are TO DIE FOR...every time I wear them out I get tons of compliment
And the ever so popular Key Fobs!!
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