Happy "Birthday" to Butterbean

Today is the day my sweet Butterbean was due to join us on this earth...it's a sad day for us but I know my little darling is having the most wonderful party I could imagine =)


Psalm 37
1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

God, please find and destroy my sense of entitlement. I have none...I deserve death and pain and nothing in this life. But you have already given me life and hope and so many blessings to pour over that. Still I beg for more, still I compare and see you blessing others more, and I let my heart break over something I do not deserve. But if I remain righteous in you and by you, you are going to prosper me and my fruit. I come to you with an attitude of expectance....

2 Cor. 1
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

I praise you for the comfort you have given me. I now know you more than most people ever will. I've been able to go to a place with you where I have never been, and though it was scary and dark and lonely, you lead me there with your very own hand. I know you went through suffering before me. Who am I to deserve more than you, Jesus? But with this new revealation of you to me, I can share your comfort with others. What a ministry you've given me, what a testimony you've deliver to my hands. My faith in you is no longer based on feeling or emotions...but on something much deeper now.

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

The word Sovereign has really not meant much to me up until recently. Just a big word used by church people. I know what it means, always have. But again, I tell you, I'm different than I was just a short time ago. My God is different to me. And now, this word means something different to me also. No matter how confusing the circumstances of my life become, or how chaotic my day was....he is Sovereign still. All the things that have happened to me are decreed by a Sovereign God. There is not a single thing that could have been done better, no matter how much I wish it would have been.....Every time I hear that one verse of this song, my tears fall uncontrollably. In this last week it has been played several times at different events I've attended and every time I hear it I start to brace myself...as I feel this verse approaching I try to distract myself or to think of something off topic but it never fails...that one word "Sovereign" jumps to the very heart of me and I can't contain it. It's like my soul knows that what was meant to happen is sovereign and it just releases all worry and fear and sadness on the very mention of that word.