Dancing Queen...or King

Well, this was by far the longest ultrasound we've ever had. So many things to look at, plus, I think the ultrasound technician was enjoying watching us freak out about every little thing. For the first 20 minutes we got all the measurements, monitored the heartbeat, made sure all the parts were there...but really, we desperately wanted for Miracle to DANCE! I hate, experiencing that tiny little life moving around and then just having to TELL everyone about it...I want to SHOW everyone instead. So, after Justin used my camera phone (you'd think by now we would have invested in a REAL video camera) to record for a long time, our baby sleeping...suddenly the camera let us know that we were completely out of memory. Aw man. Well, it was just a sleeping baby, nothing exciting to see. So, wouldn't you know that right when the memory ran out...that sucker started flailing and pitching a little fit. So, not to be defeated, I grabbed the phone and in one fowl swoop, deleted everything I could find ;) And because of my efforts, we WERE able to get some of the dancing! yay...although, there was so much more that we missed...especially all the leg kicking! Enjoy

A Little 2 inch Human!

Another doctor's appointment down...I never thought ultrasounds could be so FUN. It's so weird, they were such a hated/dreaded thing to me just a few short months ago and NOW...I'm am on cloud nine till my next one. So, I've realized that the high risk doctor has a MAC DADDY of a machine compared to my regular doc. And I love it!

Here are the latest pictures of little Miracle, measuring in at 10 weeks and 4 days (that's two days ahead of schedule...what an overacheiver):

Hopefully you can see the head on the left the two little hands and the body below that. (you can't really see the legs in this picture).

This is the baby's face...kind of DOES look like a monkey huh? haha. It has all of it's features though (we just can't see them clearly yet) It's already formed it's eyes, ears, lips, even hair follicles on it's skin!

Then Miracle said HI to us...You can see the little fingers!

Looks like we might have a thumb sucker...

Okay so the next picture is kind of creepy. It looks like an alien child, but those two big dark spots are the two lobes of our baby's BRAIN! The face is below that (don't worry, we are not giving birth to a precious moments doll, or Darth Vader)

Oh and here is the craziest thing! My nurse told me that at 10 weeks, our baby's genitalia were already formed and in place (which, hello, I already knew!) but most ultrasound machines, and most ultrasound technicians can't tell this early if it will be a boy or a girl. She said we would definitely SEE the genitals but it's dangerous to assume what we will be having because at this stage...they ALL look like boys (apparently little girls are swollen to the point of resembling boy parts) So, here is the picture of our baby's bottom (and little frog legs)and his/her personal parts...Yep, looks like a boy, but...who knows! We go back in two weeks and she said she may be able to tell us for sure then! Can you believe it?? Finding out the sex at 12 weeks! That would be AWESOME...let's pray it all grows perfectly and we can see EVERYTHING! hahah

We also got some great video of our dancing baby, that won't open on my school computer so....I'll have to post it when I get home :)

We go on our Breckinridge vacation next week, so maybe a little less posting on my part but...a few days after we get back we see BOTH doctors...Thursday is Doctor Maher and then Friday is Dr. Mehta! Woo Hoo, more pictures!

10 weeks, 127.5 lbs ---> we have gainage!

Oh, I am starting to get REALLY excited. After TWO great doctor visits and absolute perfection coming from that belly of mine…I am just so hopeful. It’s scary to be hopeful about something you have no control over…but, it’s freeing at the same time. Justin and I are trying to condition ourselves for raising a child, you know like…taking the words “crap” and “shut up” out of our vocabularies, monitoring the reality shows we watch on TV (those won’t be acceptable), learning all the cartoon channels (we need to invest in more of those, or find them?). Justin is also a little obsessed with trying to decide how our baby will look. Judging by our last ultrasound, he thinks he/she looks a lot like him…he’s crazy.

Cravings so far: Zaxby’s sauce! White cheddar cheese popcorn. Sour Gummies (especially the kind with juice in them, weird). It’s funny how with my second pregnancy I wanted nothing but bean burritos, always. With this one, the cravings change every day…so strange, what appeals to me one day, sickens me the next. It’s hard to grocery shop for that. I cannot describe the starvation that I feel every hour. It's almost the painful type. I keep thinking, "My baby is trying to tell me that it needs FOOD, so I better eat...all the time!" Food has for the first time, become a focal point in my life, I look forward to it, and worry about what my next meal will be. It's stressful.
Symptoms so far: Nausea is my middle name. As a matter of fact, I’ve added yet another prescription to my repertoire because of it, Praise the Lord. I am looking to buy one of those pill boxes with the days of the week on it to keep track of things, I’m getting more forgetful. The pharmacist said I’m getting the highest dose of nausea medicine and yet, it still wasn’t working…I was about to cry when I realized, there was no relief for me. But the Lord must have heard my inner cry because today…I feel much better. It’s not completely gone but…I can so handle it at this level! Heartburn/Indigestion is from Satan, but luckily Tums come in tasty flavors and provide me with one serving of my calcium for the day.

Things I’ve learned so far:
-I can SAY I’m feeling sick a million times but, it doesn’t quite hit my husband until I’m throwing up in the shower, or the sink, or…basically anywhere but the toilet (I can’t ever make it). And then, I can almost feel his little heart breaking. (he’s so sensitive)
-God is providing for our family; forget that…God is BLESSING our family and our future. I’ll write more about this to come but, I just feel unworthy of it all, truly. I don’t know why I am surprised every time he does it…I just don’t know why he would. (Just pray for my husband today)
-As embarrassed as I am at the condition of our home at the moment…I realize that an afternoon nap will win over laundry every time. Justin and I have decided to resort to a maid service for a couple go-rounds until I'm out of school and able to have two minutes to do things!
-I’m so thankful to have something to complain about…I really am.

We go see the high risk doc tomorrow, and by George, we are going to get a video of that kid moving! It’s just so cute!

Future Ritalin Taker

Let me start this post by saying, I don't know which pronouns to use for my baby yet, he, she, him, her.....and I don't want to call him/her "it". So, I will officially interchange between them all. That may sound crazy but...

So, my nerves were getting high, my OB took my pulse and informed me that my heart was beating out of my chest and that I should probably breathe...oops, I thought I was being pretty calm. So, before the ultrasound Jus and I stopped to pray one last plea to Jesus for the health of our baby. And, well, I guess it worked! Right when they started the ultrasound the baby started wiggling like crazy. He even got his head into it....it really looked like he was dancing! At that time Justin declares "Holy Lord, look at her go" (yes, he often refers to our baby as a her without realizing it). So, he scrambled to get my phone to take a video and...just like a bratty little kid....she stopped moving. I promise she was just wiggling away before we started filming. You can even hear the doctor telling us our baby was showing early signs of hyperactivity (he was joking, but I didn't get it at first). He also let us know that most babies at this age sleep so much that it is hard to get them moving, but, fortunately, ours was quite active at the moment (maybe my pounding heart woke him up). So, this video was one of three where we didn't really manage to capture the moving but, toward the very end you can kind of see him wave his little arm.

(His/Her head is on the left, the left hand is on the top, and the legs are on the right (doc said they were indian style).



I've decided she looks like a little gummy bear right now with her short little stubby arms and legs:

Oh and, the baby DID measure 9 weeks and 3 days (I should be a doctor). So they moved our due date to Sept. 22nd! Heart rate was 170 bpm.

We go back to the high risk doc on Thursday....I'll probably be posting pictures of that one too :)

9 weeks, 126lbs

This week has been quite eventful…in the not so good way…
Now, I’ve wanted a baby for what seems like forever and have lived with constant heartache over the situation for a long time now. So, if I ever heard a pregnant woman complaining about her nausea or aches and pains, or a young mother that was at her wits end I was almost offended. If they only knew…if they only knew how much I wanted those aches and pains, and how much I wanted to be chasing a little brat around ToysRUs…how dare they “complain”. I’d give anything for what they have…
So, that helps me when I feel really horrible, to be thankful instead, to know that it will all be worth it so soon. But, I’d also like to say one loud, big, whiny time….PREGNANCY SUCKS! It’s worth it, but the process is not fun so far (maybe second trimester?)

So, there are a few things that triggered these feelings. My events from this weekend (read below). The fact that this baby is only 9 weeks old and he/she has already sent me to the ER, got me on 4 different prescriptions, I can no longer brush my tongue in the morning so I have constant bad breathe all day (it seems to me), I break out into spontaneous gags as I walk past students in the hall (this is way embarrassing), and my poor husband…he is such a trooper. I feel so disgusting that I won’t let the boy lay a finger on me, yet he still runs and gets me things that I need, makes sure I’m comfortable when I’m not feeling well (which is ALWAYS), and holds my hair when I puke :)

But, I refuse to be a negative nancy right!? So, I am upbeat, and excited about Friday’s appointment…we are supposed to see shim wiggling around and dancing in there…he/she is still less that 2 inches long! How cute! Isn’t it amazing how something so small can already be so active and look like a little sweet baby already! According to my "calculations" and charts, I personally think that on Friday our baby should be 9 weeks and 3 days, but...I realize that my calculations aren't perfect (pretty close I tell ya) and our last ultrasound said we were 2 days behind what I thought...but, they say ultrasounds can be up to 4 days off at this time...so, it'll be fun to see what the ultrasound says on Friday. Plus I read in my pregnancy book that sometime last week he/she got his/her nipples. In case you were worried about when that happens…very important I suppose:)

Already we love you...

So, Valentine's Day started off grandly. Justin had been hyping up the fact that he planned to make me a homemade candlelight dinner all week...so, I felt the pressure. I knew I had to do something to impress (oh, and because I just wanted to right?). So, I got up and whipped up some heartshaped pancakes, cheese grits (he loves those) and chocolate covered strawberries.

Okay, so I stole the chocolate covered strawberries off of the "strawberry bouquet" Justin sent me at school the day before but...hey, I'm resourceful. I guess we really kind of celebrated Love day the night before as well, Justin sent my aforementioned bouquet to school, we made a palate on the floor and rented a movie and just snuggled (I can hear you all barfing now). So Valentine's morning was just picking up where we left off. So, I assume we were all romanced out by this time, so we, instead went car shopping for a car that actually has a back seat. We weren't really planning to buy anything that day but I did happen to fall in love with one that I met...Justin is still working his magic with the dealer so...let us pray :)

So, fast forward many many hours and it was already like 7:00...way too late for me (and miracle) to wait for Justin to whip up a romantic meal, although I am sure it would have been magnificent, but, mama's gotta eat! So we picked up Mom Wow and headed to Texas Roadhouse, I know, not the MOST romantic place but...I really wanted their sweet potato.

And this is where the HADES started. In the car, on the way home from Roadhouse, my fingertips on my right hand started going numb. I thought it was weird, and a little funny but wasn't too worried. Then the numbness started moving down my hand. Uh oh, something's wrong here...it wasn't long before I KNEW something was wrong when the right side of my face went numb too. Luckily, the numbness soon faded and I assumed it was just a fluke...then my head started hurting, and hurting, and HURTING...I'm pretty sure at some point it expolded. I had a migraine. But the thing is...I don't get migraines...and boy, am I glad I usually don't! I swear, if it weren't for the baby, I would have talked Justin into pulling the "virtual" plug. Oh the pain. And just to add to the fun, then started the uncontrollable vomitting...my stomach was sore for days afterward. So, after this cycle repeated itself a second time, Jus loaded me up at midnight and wisked me away to the ER. In the car, my hand went numb again and let's just say, I'm glad Justin grabbed the little garbage can out of the room before we left.

5 hours later, we were STILL sitting in the same seats in the ER and the nurse up front kept telling us "there is only one person ahead of you"....2 hours straight of hearing that phrase and I was done. I asked Justin just to take me home. The migraine faded and I was able to sleep through the nausea. The whole next day my head felt "whoosy". My high risk doc says it isn't common for a woman to develop such severe migraines during pregnancy, but, it does happen. He is prescribing me some serious migraine medicine for next time...oh, I pray there isn't a next time.

I'll post a 9 week update in a little bit, we have our next ultrasound on Friday...Start praying now that everything looks perfect and that little joker is jumping around in there!

I don't care...

So, we have to see the doctor every two weeks...actually we have to see TWO doctors, each once a month, which makes our doctor visits every two weeks. While this is ubber inconvenient, it does come with it's perks. #1 - we get to see our sweet baby growing at EVERY stage. #2 - I really can't go 2 weeks without KNOWING that everything is okay. #3 - They say, we'll get to know the sex of the baby much sooner than most. This last one, I am SO excited about!

So many people have asked us "what do you want to have?", especially since I work with students all day at school and again at church throughout the week. That is their main concern for sure. So, I've been thinking...

The prissy, girly monogrammer in me wants to have a little girl. Mainly so I can dress her up and make little bows and dresses for her. But also because it would be a big event to have a little girl among our current friends and family. ALL of our good friends that we hang out with have boys, more than one at that...so Justin has started leaning toward the girl side too. Plus, out of my 13 neices and nephews, the boys FAR outnumber the girls so it would be nice to even that up a bit. Also, on Justin's side of things there is only one grandbaby, Jackson...and he too is a boy. So, if you look at it that way, a girl would be a great addition. And secretly, I know that any daughter of mine would have her emotional, lovely daddy WARPPED around her little finger...and I'd like to watch that everyday :)

But, here lately, I've been thinking...honestly, after what we've been through. A little boy would be just amazing. I'm not trying to be picky at all here! (I'm actually okay with a monkey these days) When we went to visit our friends Ben and Sam in the hospital a few months back after they had their second little boy. I picked up that sweet baby (who was due one month after butterbean)and thought to myself..."Oh yeah, I'll take one of these"...you can't help but fall in love instantly. And to imagine if it were my very own...I'd be head over heels instantly I know :)
Another thought I've had about having a little boy is, preppiness! I LOVE little preppy boys dressed in their sweater vests and deck shoes...I mean come ON! Everyone says you want a boy for your first one, cause they are easier, as babies, as toddlers, and as teenagers. So, that would be welcome for sure. All the moms I've talked to with BOTH boys and girls have said there is something different when your little boy climbs in your lap and says, "Mommy, I just love you". Like a little man, so sweet.

So, my conclusion is.....I don't care! I really and truly don't care! There will be perks with either sex, and whatever we get this time...we will try for the other very shortly!

So far...so good...

Well, since we were trying to be so secretive at the beginning of this pregnancy, I wasn't able to share all the little milestones and events that were happening early on. So, here is the documentation of our pregnancy so far. I'll try to update everyone on the pregnancy weekly (and don't worry, I'm sure there will be other posts about normal, every day things in between these updates). So here we go:

4 weeks, 126lbs (starting weight...I may regret posting this later)
We already knew that we were pregnant a little before 4 weeks. We scheduled our first doctor’s appointment with the high risk doctor (Dr. Maher) on Jan. 14th, we were then 4 weeks and 1 day. They did an ultrasound but we were too early in the pregnancy to see anything. So the doc started running some bloodwork instead. My hcg level came back as 469 (pretty high for 4 weeks). And my progesterone was 42.1 (also, a high one). I had been prescribed Progesterone and been taking it since after ovulation. Both of these were Great news!

5 weeks, 125lbs

Doctor called and let us know that he has diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). My bloodwork showed this clearly and I was put on Metformin to regulate my hormones.
Symptoms so far: gas, indigestion (so bad, never had this before and didn’t even know what it was when it hit), sore boobs

6 weeks, 124lbs
Before we even hit 6 weeks we got our second hcg level back and it was 17,000. We were so encouraged as this is a great increase, more than we expected. Dr. Maher even joked that by the looks of those numbers it could be TWINS!
Symptoms so far: indigestion, sore boobs
Cravings so far include: bagels (only with strawberry cream cheese), and mozzarella cheese sticks

7 weeks, 126lbs

We went in for our second doctor’s visit. My mom and dad drove down from Bama to join us. They performed another ultrasound and sure enough…we saw a beautiful 7 week old baby with a strong heartbeat (147 bpm). Oh and one thing I didn't mention before was that we could see the tiny little umbilical stalk (the primitive version of the umbilical cord!)It was so clear and cool. You can't see it in this picure but...everything was just perfect. Words cannot express our pure JOY and the hope that was all renewed in that moment.

Symptoms so far: EXTREME hunger (it’s so bad, never felt this before), dizziness, fatigue, insomnia (how can you have both?), luckily not too much nausea (no vomiting yet), boobs aren’t quite as sore, and indigestion has died down
Cravings now include: Yoohoo and yogurt, don’t know if it’s really a craving but I HAVE to eat an apple everyday!

8 weeks, 126.5 lbs

My stomach looks gross...I know the baby is way too little to "show" but I can't suck in my fat anymore :( The doctor says that it's because my body has been pregnant 4 times and automatically "knows" what to do (weaken the stomach muscles). Well, I guess I should just be happy that I have an excuse to tell people when they look at me funny. I'm greasing up my belly with cocoa butter, the kind in the little jar, it keeps me nice and lubed up all day long. I officially took out my belly button ring this week. I hope it doesn't scar badly and make my belly look worse.
Symptoms so far: feeling REALLY gross, nausea is hitting a little more often but I'm holding back the vomit (barely), dizziness is even worse. Insomnia is a little bit better, I think, but fatigue is WAY worse. I just want to sleep, and nothing else. SOOO hungry, it's so inconvenient, I have to eat constantly, no over exaggeration there!
Cravings now include: no food sounds very good right now, fruit is a safe bet these days, don't make me gag like most everything else.

Our future family

So, my brothers and sisters used to be FOREVER annoyed at the fact that I sing all the time. Growing up, I was always singing something....especially if a show like American Idol had just come on...it was over then, I had to try every song I heard (just to make sure I couldn't in fact sing it better than the person on the show...I couldn't) but anyway, they were not impressed. But it was indeed just a habit I've always had, I love to sing and music speaks to me. When I married Justin, this has only become worse. It seems he too loves to sing. We even find ourselves singing everyday conversations to each other (no, that is not weird....is it?). Sometimes I stop and ask the question, "Honey, do you think anyone else does this?" To which he assures me that it is completely normal (I'm not 100% convinced).

So, all that was to explain the following video. My sister came to visit this weekend and about DIED to show us this clip. She said that all of my siblings would agree that this is me and Justin and our future kids one day. I think the dad really IS Justin! haha



Justin = "I'll just have to save it with my solo"

Ultrasound Pics!

Here are all of our stats on little baby Miracle!
Here is where we got to see, measure, and HEAR the heartbeat. Justin says it sounds like a janked up washing machine when you put the clothes in wrong, I'm leaning toward a galloping horse...

And making his/her debut...our little Miracle!

I just love shim!

Oh, our due date is September 24th :)

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold…" 1 Peter 1:6-7

Good news!

Beautiful 7 week old baby that measured just PERFECTLY and had the strongest little heartbeat you could imagine. Registering at a great rate of 147 bpm. And we got to HEAR it too (which you usually cannot do with a vaginal ultrasound but I guess this high risk place has high tech machinary! AHHHH! I'll post pictures of the ultrasound tomorrow and updates on my pregnancy so far.

Thank you all for praying fervently and desperately for my little miracle...keep up the good work. I attribute this blessing to my gracious loving father and my prayer warriors who interceded on our behalf :)

From Vegetables and Starches....to an Act of God

Well, I haven't posted too much lately, because I don't trust myself. You see, Justin and I tried our very best to keep our latest news a secret. You get so tired just giving people bad news over and over again...we just wanted to be the source of joy for once, not sorrow. After our third miscarriage in December we were SHOCKED to find we were immediately pregnant again! People...this doesn't just happen for us...it usually takes months of hard work and diligent planning on our parts. But, this time, my body wasted no time getting knocked up again :) I'm not complaining...

So, at the beginning of January I pulled out the trusty old pregnancy tests (it was way too early to test but I'm more impatient than anyone will every truly know). I have found that Justin and I are fans of two different kinds of pregnancy tests...is it sad that we've peed on so many we have now become critics of the darn things. So, anyway, I like the ones with the two lines because, after staring at several of them every month for over two years now, I can tell IMMEDIATELY if it will be positive...remember that impatient thing I was talking about earlier? Justin likes the digital ones because they are plain and simple, it says the word "Pregnant". My problem with this test, is that it flashes a little hour-glass at you the entire 3 minutes while it's "thinking" which drives me absolutely INSANE! So, for my liking I broke out the old 2-line kind and waited to see the result (see picture below)

As most of you can tell...it was negative.....or was it?? This is where you will all enjoy a laugh at my certain "phsyco-ness". I took the test to Justin. He too agreed it was negative. This is the part of the story where a normal couple throws the test away and tries again next month...but, who are we kidding, nothing normal here! I proceeded to stare at the test, almost "willing" it to be positive and suddenly I noticed something. Where that second line should be, there was a "shadow". I mean, I knew it wasn't a line but...it was something? I took the test back to Justin and assured him that we were pregnant. He looked at me with that "you poor girl" look and told me I was crazy. But I am telling you, I have stared at enough of these negative suckers to KNOW when it is positive. So, when I got home from school that day I busted out one of the digital bad boys and sure enough...I knew it! So I immediately get on the phone with the Infertility/Recurrent Pregnancy loss center we were scheduled to meet with in early Feburary and they told me, "We don't want to see you anymore." Since I was already pregnant, there was nothing they could do to help me. Bummer. So my regular OB/GYN referred me to a high risk specialist (after 3 losses you are considered high risk no matter what). As happy as I am about this baby, my spirits are not high. I've done my homework. And it doesn't look favorable for us. Something has to be wrong for you to lose THREE babies, these aren't just flukes anymore. I've read that when you get pregnant, your chances of miscarriage are 20-25%, once you have one miscarriage, the chances of you having another drops to 15%, and then once you have two, the chances of having another drops to 5%....unfortunately for me, once you have 3 or more miscarriages the chances of you having another jump to 90%. Now that is a dagger to the heart. I had to get some help. So, three weeks ago we went to visit the high risk doctor for the first time. He started some testing and found that my hcg level was at 469 (this was at 4 weeks pregnant, which is pretty high) and my progesterone was 42! (If you recall, with my last miscarriage, my progesterone was 1.1) So these were both good news. He also called me back the next week and informed me that according to my bloodwork, I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome...it's the same thing Jon and Kate plus Eight have). The main symptom of PCOS is NOT being able to get pregnant on your own (which explains the 14 months of trying before we first concieved). But since I had started to get pregnant, I was not tested for this...I didn't fit the bill....in fact not at all. I didn't have ANY of the symptoms for PCOS. But here I am now, diagnosed and on medication. Our only fear...we were not diagnosed until AFTER we were pregnant...this means it may be too late for this baby already. You see, another symptom of PCOS is that it causes your body to release eggs before they are mature...once this egg is fertilized, it's pretty much doomed. Please pray against that for this baby. Instead, I am hoping my miscarriages were due to the last symptom instead, hormones! PCOS knocks all of your hormones off balance and the baby doesn't get the right amounts of anything...if this is the case, my medicine should solve that problem and save THIS baby! Please pray for that, even if you are not the praying type, or don't even know me...please pray for my innocent little baby.

I have gotten my bloodwork done again and 10 days after my last hcg level was taken, it had risen to 17,000! the nurse said that was sooo good. We go back to the high risk doctor tomorrow to see the heartbeat...this is the do or die time....if we don't see a heartbeat, we are destined for another heartbreak, if we do see a strong heartbeat, our baby has a 95% chance. I covet your prayers for tomorrow. I am claiming victory in the Great Physician. I know that he will do this for me, for us. He loves me and wants to give me good things, I trust him. Pray for my peace. The horrible feeling leading up to the ultrasound is almost worse than getting bad news...the unknown is very scary. Pray for peace.

I hadn't planned on blogging about this until I had joyous news to share but, I've realized today that I desperately want your sincere prayers for my baby now, more than I desire a joyous celebration later......who knows, maybe we can have both :)

Okay, now to explain the title of this blog...our first baby we called Butterbean, so when we got pregnant again we knew we couldn't call him/her the same thing so we stayed in the vegetable family and referred to him/her as Sweet Pea. The little third one we didn't get to talk to for very long but when we did we called him/her Biscuit (vegetables didn't seem to be working out so well, we all know I like starches better anyway). And now, Justin and I decided if this baby has a strong little hearbeat tomorrow, it will be our little "Miracle". A pure act of God, I can't wait to call you miracle...