From Vegetables and Starches....to an Act of God

Well, I haven't posted too much lately, because I don't trust myself. You see, Justin and I tried our very best to keep our latest news a secret. You get so tired just giving people bad news over and over again...we just wanted to be the source of joy for once, not sorrow. After our third miscarriage in December we were SHOCKED to find we were immediately pregnant again! People...this doesn't just happen for us...it usually takes months of hard work and diligent planning on our parts. But, this time, my body wasted no time getting knocked up again :) I'm not complaining...

So, at the beginning of January I pulled out the trusty old pregnancy tests (it was way too early to test but I'm more impatient than anyone will every truly know). I have found that Justin and I are fans of two different kinds of pregnancy tests...is it sad that we've peed on so many we have now become critics of the darn things. So, anyway, I like the ones with the two lines because, after staring at several of them every month for over two years now, I can tell IMMEDIATELY if it will be positive...remember that impatient thing I was talking about earlier? Justin likes the digital ones because they are plain and simple, it says the word "Pregnant". My problem with this test, is that it flashes a little hour-glass at you the entire 3 minutes while it's "thinking" which drives me absolutely INSANE! So, for my liking I broke out the old 2-line kind and waited to see the result (see picture below)

As most of you can tell...it was negative.....or was it?? This is where you will all enjoy a laugh at my certain "phsyco-ness". I took the test to Justin. He too agreed it was negative. This is the part of the story where a normal couple throws the test away and tries again next month...but, who are we kidding, nothing normal here! I proceeded to stare at the test, almost "willing" it to be positive and suddenly I noticed something. Where that second line should be, there was a "shadow". I mean, I knew it wasn't a line but...it was something? I took the test back to Justin and assured him that we were pregnant. He looked at me with that "you poor girl" look and told me I was crazy. But I am telling you, I have stared at enough of these negative suckers to KNOW when it is positive. So, when I got home from school that day I busted out one of the digital bad boys and sure enough...I knew it! So I immediately get on the phone with the Infertility/Recurrent Pregnancy loss center we were scheduled to meet with in early Feburary and they told me, "We don't want to see you anymore." Since I was already pregnant, there was nothing they could do to help me. Bummer. So my regular OB/GYN referred me to a high risk specialist (after 3 losses you are considered high risk no matter what). As happy as I am about this baby, my spirits are not high. I've done my homework. And it doesn't look favorable for us. Something has to be wrong for you to lose THREE babies, these aren't just flukes anymore. I've read that when you get pregnant, your chances of miscarriage are 20-25%, once you have one miscarriage, the chances of you having another drops to 15%, and then once you have two, the chances of having another drops to 5%....unfortunately for me, once you have 3 or more miscarriages the chances of you having another jump to 90%. Now that is a dagger to the heart. I had to get some help. So, three weeks ago we went to visit the high risk doctor for the first time. He started some testing and found that my hcg level was at 469 (this was at 4 weeks pregnant, which is pretty high) and my progesterone was 42! (If you recall, with my last miscarriage, my progesterone was 1.1) So these were both good news. He also called me back the next week and informed me that according to my bloodwork, I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome...it's the same thing Jon and Kate plus Eight have). The main symptom of PCOS is NOT being able to get pregnant on your own (which explains the 14 months of trying before we first concieved). But since I had started to get pregnant, I was not tested for this...I didn't fit the bill....in fact not at all. I didn't have ANY of the symptoms for PCOS. But here I am now, diagnosed and on medication. Our only fear...we were not diagnosed until AFTER we were pregnant...this means it may be too late for this baby already. You see, another symptom of PCOS is that it causes your body to release eggs before they are mature...once this egg is fertilized, it's pretty much doomed. Please pray against that for this baby. Instead, I am hoping my miscarriages were due to the last symptom instead, hormones! PCOS knocks all of your hormones off balance and the baby doesn't get the right amounts of anything...if this is the case, my medicine should solve that problem and save THIS baby! Please pray for that, even if you are not the praying type, or don't even know me...please pray for my innocent little baby.

I have gotten my bloodwork done again and 10 days after my last hcg level was taken, it had risen to 17,000! the nurse said that was sooo good. We go back to the high risk doctor tomorrow to see the heartbeat...this is the do or die time....if we don't see a heartbeat, we are destined for another heartbreak, if we do see a strong heartbeat, our baby has a 95% chance. I covet your prayers for tomorrow. I am claiming victory in the Great Physician. I know that he will do this for me, for us. He loves me and wants to give me good things, I trust him. Pray for my peace. The horrible feeling leading up to the ultrasound is almost worse than getting bad news...the unknown is very scary. Pray for peace.

I hadn't planned on blogging about this until I had joyous news to share but, I've realized today that I desperately want your sincere prayers for my baby now, more than I desire a joyous celebration later......who knows, maybe we can have both :)

Okay, now to explain the title of this blog...our first baby we called Butterbean, so when we got pregnant again we knew we couldn't call him/her the same thing so we stayed in the vegetable family and referred to him/her as Sweet Pea. The little third one we didn't get to talk to for very long but when we did we called him/her Biscuit (vegetables didn't seem to be working out so well, we all know I like starches better anyway). And now, Justin and I decided if this baby has a strong little hearbeat tomorrow, it will be our little "Miracle". A pure act of God, I can't wait to call you miracle...